I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
