So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
