I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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