Where is the hickey?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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