We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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