Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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