I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
