Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
