I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
