the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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