I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
