Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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