Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
