I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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