my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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