I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
