you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
