it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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