she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like abortions should bother me more
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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