What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
