you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
