He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
