Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
