u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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