Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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