I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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