Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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