Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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