i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
