My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
