Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
