He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
