you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
