Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
