i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
