yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
