The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't turn off my feet"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
