Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
