but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I will pee on everything he values.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
