Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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