I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
