my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
