I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
