He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The air was thick with penises
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
