You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
