Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Randomize
