I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
