so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
