HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
