in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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