Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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