Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
