Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
