Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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