I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
