I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Everyone says I win the strip club
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
